Contractions (and when I say contractions I am not referring to the Braxton Hicks that I had been experiencing for weeks prior to labor. Also I would like to clarify that the word contraction can not accurately describe what labor feels like. My uterus was “contracting” but to my body as a whole the sensation could best be described as gripping waves of intensity) first began a little before noon.

I stepped out of the car and felt an unusually strong one – distinctly different than what I had felt before. Nigel urged me to continue walking as we checked out houses for sale. About every twenty or thirty minutes another wave came over me and I had to pause. I spent this first hour of labor just marveling at how different these sensations were and casually wondering if perhaps today was to be a birthing day.

A couple more hours went by (we returned home fairly quickly as I was thouroughly fed up with trying to walk around outside) and things steadily picked up pace. I was still wondering if I was in labor or if the contractions were the result of unusually active (and uncomfortable!) bowels. The intensity was much more extreme when contractions caught me on the toilet. I do not recommend laboring while on the potty but when your body is trying to “clear the way” you really havent got much choice! I almost cried a few times simply from the total discomfort of it all.

When my tummy had settled a bit and I had nothing left in me I moved into the bedroom, still uncertain as to whether I was really in labor. Nigel reluctanlty agreed to go to work and I set about trying to time contractions. I tried calling my mom but she wasnt much help (sorry, mom, but it’s true) and thats the only time I actually cried (I did not enjoy being alone!). The person I really needed was Nigel so I called him and he came home immediately.

I sent Nigel out for cheeseburgers and was once again on my own. I had settled into a rhthym of rocking on my hands and knees, supported from underneath by a stack of pillows, and just breathing through contractions. All the pain was focused in my back. I had expected my midsection or lower to hurt but I hardly felt that region at all. The time without Nigel was the worst. I kept looking at the clock (do NOT look at a clock while in labor!!) to see how long he had been gone but all I saw was how long I had been stuck in this misery.

I couldnt believe contractions took as long as they did – when I didnt watch the clock it felt like they were just seconds, followed by minutes of break, but the clock showed the opposite. Between contractions I felt fine. I just breathed, sipped water, and got more comfortable to be ready for the next one. Without those respites I dont know how I could have managed. And then I was in the throes of another wave and not thinking about very much at all except dealing with it.

Nigel returned and helped me through many more contractions. We tried a variety of positions and I found sitting upright to be far too intense. It focused all the pain into between my hips and it was simple unbearable. However there were times when I found myself geting into that position anyways and pulling on Nigels arms to relieve the intensity in my own body. He reminded me to blow through my lips like a horse and even managed to make me laugh a few times. He was truly a wonder. An invaluable partner during this time. He had listened to everything I had ever told him about labor and was just amazing. He helped me keep calm and collected… We called the midwife a few times to alert her to my condition and then went back to focusing on me. Nothing else mattered but him and me.

After several hours the midwife recommended that Nigel check my cervical dilation. This required me to lay on my back. I do not have the words to describe how unbearably torturous contractions were while on my back. It was unmanageable, unbearable pain that I could not tolerate. My heart goes out to any woman who has been made to labor on her back. I do not understand how any one person could handle so much pain alone. So we timed cervical checks in between contractions, at which point I would roll off of the bed and onto my hands and knees to rock through it.

On first checking Nigel figured I was about 3 cm (we had a bullseye picture to compare to) but the midwife was skeptical and asked how he had checked. Apparantly you are supposed to spread your index and middle fingers as far as the cervix will allow and that is your dilation. I was much more dilated than just a 3. On his third check Nigel accidentally removed the mucous plug and wiped it on my thigh! I may have been distracted but not enough to not be grossed out! It was like a brown golf ball of snot. I had him wipe it off and, after a brief laugh over such a surprise, we went back to the business of labor.

After reading many birth stories where the women described being “on another planet” mentally, I surprised by how lucid I was throughout the whole thing. I heard almost everything that was said, thought about plenty of things that werent labor related, and felt completely normal in my head. I had a difficult time articulating thoughts because my body was so preoccupied that speech was getting harder and harder to accomplish, but I never once felt like I was on another planet.

Our midwife expressed surprise when she got there that I had labored so long on my own. I was practically ready to push when she arrived! But I felt fine (yes, in pain, but without fear. total confidence) and didnt want to call her too early. Her assistant and Nigel began filling the birth tub.

The midwife put her hands on my back and it was instantly soothing. She applied hot washocloths and it was a little piece of heaven. She knew exactly how to help me with the pain of back labor. A womans touch is truly vital during labor, I believe. Prestons right occiput posterior position seemed to be keeping him from descending so she tried a number of methods to encourage him to scoot. Note that I said encourage. As we would later discover, it is fortunate that no one tried to force Preston to move.

She applied cold washcloths and ice packs on the side where he was and I layed on my side during this. Contractions were extremely unpleasant at this time and I remember going on and on about how it hurt, my back hurt, etc. Finally she decided that he would not move and we were just going to forget trying. I returned to my knees and settled back into my labor routine (my respites were much shorter now though).

At one point I realized I was going to throw up and nearly kicked her assistant in the head as I rolled off the bed towards the puke bucket (I was determined to get to that bucket!). Many stories I have read say this is a hallmark of the “transition” phase and that transition feels like a markedly different shift in the pace of labor. I felt no such transition, just that I was ready to get in that hot birthing water! Which I did shortly after.

The journey from the bedroom to the kitchen was interrupted by contractions but I pressed on, supported by my helpers. I saw the steaming hot water and just knew it was what I needed. I settled in and breathed a sigh of genuine relief. Nigel says that from the moment I got into the pool, the pace went from urgent (he perceived urgency, I did not feel that at all) to relaxed. I felt good and the water soothed my aching back. Contractions were stronger than ever but it felt very right and natural to be submerged. I was ready to have this baby.

Pushing wasnt really anything like I had expected it to be. The midwife suggested I try giving a little push so I got myself into what felt like a good position (kneeling with my legs spread far apart) and pushed a little. All the while thinking “Hmm, I dont really know how to do this.. What should I be flexing? Maybe its like kegels…” So I fake-pushed a few more times (which, by the way, this all sounds easy on paper but let me assure you it was not easy!) until the pushes abruptly took over on their own. Suddenly it wasnt me trying to push but my body pushing Preston further down and me just grabbing hold of the midwifes arms until I could rest. I was in the pool for about an hour total and I think I probably pushed for about two thirds of that hour. I wish i could be more specific but i had lost all track of time.

It required tremendous effort to move him down the birth canal and it was more than my body could do alone. I was alternately kneeling and squatting (thanks to the support of the water these positions were not too difficult to achieve) with a firm grip on the midwifes forearms. My feet were braced against one of the inflated ridges in the bottom of the pool. With every push I would pull on the midwifes arms (and hard too, I almost pulled her into the pool once!) and brace my feet. Every ounce of energy was focused in my midsection, trying to move Preston along.

Eventually I felt a sort o pop sensation followed by relief. I thought his head had been born but it was only a softball sized bubble of amniotic sac and fluid (Preston was nearly born in the caul). My relief instantly turned to disappointment. That bubble waasnt nearly as big or rigid as a babies head and it had been hard enough to push out! The pushing urges immediately returned and the bubble was forgotten.

At some point during all this the midwife suggested that Nigel take her place on the stool in front of me. I remember saying between pushes “If you’re gonna switch do it quick!” I knew it wasnt going to take much longer. So now I had Nigels arms in my hands and the midwife was leaning over from the side looking with a mirror and flashlight under the water.

As his head began to crown the midwife suggested that I rise to a hands and knees position to try and slow him down a bit. She was hoping to prevent tears, also this position is good for moving along stuck babies.

I had anticipated the pain to be in my stretching perinium but I hardly felt that area at all. Instead all the burning pain was in the delicate tissues up front. The midiwfe provided counter pressure on these areas as I tried to pant through a few pushes. Preston wasnt having it though and I just couldnt resist any longer. I got back into a kneeling squat and his head began to come out. I just couldnt slow him down any longer and I think this is the reason that I tore. Tearing felt like when you snap your fingers. Pressure and then a sudden give and the skin splits. It didnt hurt (the pain was really all around my clitoris – poor thing) but I was vaguely aware of when it happened.

Prestons head then slipped past its widest point and was out. There was a brief moment of excitement and then everything got back down to business again. I remember thinking something along the lines of “Whew!”

Nigel had his arms in the water by this point and I had my pelvis tilted forward in the squat (I was trying not to birth him into the hard linoleum floor). Prestons body practically shot out, straight into Nigels hands. I looked down and saw his little face under the water. His mouth was open in kind of a grimace and he had a very upset expression. Nigel lifted him out of the water and he was quiet for a moment before crying one loud indignant shout. After that Preston was silent for an hour, just looking around and taking things in.

The midwives told Nigel to hand him to me but I immediately said “No! I dont want him!” Dont worry, its not really as bad as it sounds. I just couldnt deal with holding my baby for the first time so soon after recovering from the collosal effort of labor.

As Nigel went to hand the baby to the midwives, Prestons cord snapped unexpectedly, right at his tummy. Blood sprayed all over the side of the pool. The cord slipped back under the water and continued bleeding freely. Nigel looked horrified but I felt totally at peace. I knew that the most difficult part was over and that the midwives would take care of us. They immediately clamped Prestons little nub of a cord and found the part still attached to me, clamping it too. By this time the pool water was dark red and Nigels face was white as a sheet. I relaxed in the warm water and just breathed for a while, watching everything but not really seeing it.

The midwives wrapped Preston in a warm towel and handed him to Nigel. The two of them sat on the couch and got to know each other. I shakily stepped out of the swirling red water of the pool (with an umbilical cord hanging down this felt very awkward!) and followed them into the living room. The midwifes assistant had set up a pallat of couch cushions on the floor for me (covered in chux pads) and I sank down into them, ready to rest.

Unfortunately my body had other plans. The afterpains were just as strong as labor pains and hurt my back just as intensely. I remember saying something about how this just wasnt fair. I rested and contracted on my side for a while and Nigel brought the baby to me to nurse. We have a picture of him latched firmly on and just staring into my face. I will never forget that moment.

He took Preston back to the couch and then we began trying to get the placenta out. The midwife felt that applying traction to the cord would not be a good idea, considering how it had just practically fallen apart. So we waited and waited. My legs shook uncontrollably from the moment I got out of the pool, I think just from the huge effort they had put in. The muscles were completely taxed. I got up onto the birthing stool and tried pushing the placenta out but I could feel that nothing was happening.

Finally when I had sort of given up and just sat there pushing without contractions the placenta just shot right out. It slammed into the chux pads below with a heavy splat and was followed by a gush of blood. Nigel burst out laughing from the couch. I hadnt thought to show him what placentas look like and he was really surprised to see what appeared to be a huge steak come flying out of his wife. It was just the comic relief he needed after the cord-breaking instance. We all laughed and the midwife helped me to take a shower.

The time from birth to placenta expulsion was one hour. I labored for 12 hours almost exactly and including waiting for the placenta the whole experience took 13 hours. I couldnt believe it had been so long, it felt like half that time to me. I am conviced that if Preston hadnt been posterior, this labor would have been 8 hours. However, its possible that he maintained his position because of the weak cord. Who can say, it may have saved his life.

My water did not break until Preston was crowning. One of my labia tore a bit on the inside but it was not painful or difficult at all to recover from. We didnt stitch it, we just let it heal.

I remember thinking, immediately after the birth while I was still in the pool, that it wasnt too bad, this birthing stuff. Maybe I wouldnt do it again tomorrow, but next week might be okay, once I’d gotten some rest…

I expected birth to be more emotional. In all the stories I had read and videos I had watched there was usually a big outburst of emotion once the baby is born. The mom wants to hold the baby and she cries etc. I just felt relieved that labor was over and I absolutely could not stand the thought of holding him right then. It was all I could do to calm down and just relax. Not from the emotion (there was fairly little of that) but from the physical intensity. And once I was out of the pool I was perfectly content to have Nigel hold him for almost the entire hour we waited for the placenta to come (we tried having the baby nurse to help my uterus contract but he only wanted to look around!). I didn’t feel excessively emotional, maybe I’m too practical of a person for all that. I always thought I would be very emotional like the women whose birth videos I had watched, but it wasnt like that – it simply was. Like every other part of living.

I have more to say but have already forgotten many details. The experience was too amazing to forget but the little details are already slipping away.

Lois